Abusive ex wants to try again. Now, not so much I guess. And he seemed really reluctant to do anything sexual. I dont know what to do.., I'm not going back there again, but if he actually harmed himself I'd feel a huge sense of guilt.. is this my responsibility or is he just manipulating me? He even admitted he was acting like that (without me asking or saying anything) and apologized a few times, but didn't actually change. deleted_user 10/06/2007. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! I was friends with him for around a year before anything happened, we didn't see each other very often in person but chatted online a lot. He said he wanted this to be a relationship. Ex wants sex: But I don’t know if they still have feelings for me. He has a job and his own place now and is sort of settled, and that he's ready to be with me. Continuing to contact them just proves you are needy, pushy, disrespectful and annoying. Inevitably, your girlfriend has love and relationship baggage, which right now is coming back to haunt you. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. RELATED: 7 Signs Your Ex Is Just Pretending To Be Over You And Will Eventually Come Back 4. What did he think I've been doing in the meantime? She might end up feeling bad all over again and start crying, and you obviously want to avoid that like a plague, so it might be better to refrain from texting your ex when you think of her. He's incredibly shy, people said afterward that they were surprised I had gone out with him as he is so shy and quiet and I'm pretty outgoing. Any words of wisdom for this confusing time for me. That guilt is not for you! Part of the consequences of his actions are losing you and your love. Trust me, he is much more likely to kill you than harm himself. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. I actually just broke up with someone a couple of days before all this happened so I know how to do it. It was great and I started liking him more and more. Ex girlfriend or ex boyfriend wants me back: If I accept what do I do? He sounds dangerous, and people like that tend to escalate over time. CAROLYN HAX. Since an ex who wants you back is likely to do the opposite of what you expect, here are four real signs that he secretly wants you back. Ex wants to try again. Your ex insists it’s them — and not you You keep a part of the responsibility for his bad actions locked in your very core, with guilt. There ensued a big awkward conversation with me asking why, and how things had changed, and what the fuck basically. Ex wants to be friends I want more: You don’t want to be Friend-Zoned by the one you love! He won't however, just a ploy. He definitely seemed to agree that it might be part of the problem at the time though. I said no. Since your ex cares about you, your ex is going to give away subtle signs of pretending to be over you whether he or she likes it or not. Either way, try to stay positive. I feel incredibly sad about the whole thing. Fuck him. Whether it's romance, friendship, family, co-workers, or basic human interaction: we're here to help! Adapted from a recent online discussion. You guys had a short relationship. These Guys usually get in such a mess because they guilt people into enabling them. If they offer you a hand of friendship, you must try to make the best of it. Press J to jump to the feed. You transferred a consequence of someone else’s life choices to yourself. He's already in a new (rebound) relationship. In my defense, this was only the second time I'd met up with him. 1. He's already completely backed off and I know he'll never ask me out again. Ex-boyfriend wants to try again. Guilt because his reasons for not wanting to try again right now are semi-decent (we're both mentally ill, and he thinks he needs to work on his own issues before getting into a relationship again.) New comments cannot be posted and votes cannot be cast, More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. I don't think I could face telling people we were back together, and then have him treat me like that again. He lost you though his actions and yet you are holding yourself to guilt. Long story short, he was afraid of commitment. You might have completely moved on and be having the time of your life– then suddenly, here’s your ex. I don't think he's narcissistic at all actually, maybe just thoughtless in this one thing. Currently we are living apart for a little over two months. I've gone for coffee with him to catch up a couple of times, it felt to me like we were really back to being friends, like nothing had happened. Yet, in most cases, the woman will have plenty of time to get over the break up and even move on, so she will be less willing to catch up in person. If they constantly comment on your posts, like your every post, and follow your every move on social media , you can be sure that they are still crazy about you. Let's try to see what we can do in the following article. Its not as horrible as it sounds. And I really liked him for pretty much all that time. It's been 6 months! If you want this to keep happening, keep hanging around with him. I was still doing normal dating stuff, but he was at the back of my mind. So I had been with my ex for 2 years, during this time he was physically abusive towards me on 4 different occasions, everytime he hit me, he was either drunk or high on cocaine.. 2. She lamented her cheating, her cruelty, her constant fault-finding, but mostly she said she missed my friendship and could we please try again. I may have misunderstood the attraction thing, maybe he used the word shallow meaning the relationship rather than himself with regards to me, i don't know. Is this completely impossible? We are both in our early-mid 20s. Need help with your relationship? This is one of the biggest signs that your ex wants you back and that they will eventually come back to you. Its been 7-8 days we r talking n now he wants to be back, i said I’ll think about it n after that he didn’t asked me again, but he gets jealous whn i talk to other guys. We both know he is still deeply disturbed, as if he wasn't, he wouldn't be making these manipulative threats in the first place. But most of all, guilt because he wants to try again when he's more mentally stable, and I don't. any advice would be greatly appreciated. I could really use any advice you have. Document all of his harassment, and do not be afraid to report him to the police. We have a lot of mutual friends, so we saw each other every few weeks and chatted normally, it didn't even feel weird and i was certain i was completely over it all. He's now contacting me declaring his undying love for me and begging for another chance.. I'm really not sure he does though. If your ex wants to know how work is, who you are seeing and what you are up to in general, that’s a ginormous signal they still want you in their life. It is absolutely NOT your responsibility, no matter how he tries to manipulate you (which is his primary aim). It's manipulation, get out. Absolutely 100% his choice to harm himself or not, and it's almost certainly going to be not; he sounds like he thinks more of himself than he ever will anyone else. Press J to jump to the feed. If they are happy to see you then they probably miss you. He sent me an email the next day apologizing for putting me on the spot, and saying he understands my feeling and where i'm coming from. You sound like you don't want to date him, but you hate rejecting people. This could get really ugly. In have forgiven him over and over again after all his bits of jealousy. I want to rebuild the trust in our relationship as he tried to be in a rebound witj someone but failed. Did she delete you off Facebook? Some days he seemed really into me, then he'd withdraw. I'm the only person he's ever dated so maybe i'm just the only person who fills the 'girlfriend' role in his head. I feel really confused and conflicted about it all. Here are 7 reasons your ex might pop up months (or even years!) In general, I think this is the best advice: be the kind of girl who moves on. And protect yourself at all times. He was hot and cold the whole time and then dumped me, and seemed surprised that I wasn't happy about his declaration of love all this time later. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. One thing he said when I was leaving the other night was "I've really fucked this up, haven't I?" My ex wants to try again but I am really scared about things not working out. More posts from the relationship_advice community, Continue browsing in r/relationship_advice. Hard nope. We stayed friends, and I was pretty happy with that. If she still doesn’t know whether or not she wants to give you a chance, she’s not going to commit to the idea of fully going back into the courting stage of a relationship (e.g. He was very vague and confused, but seemed to be saying that he didn't want this to be any more serious and I gathered that though he liked me very much as a person, he maybe didn't find me completely physically attractive. How is one to get their ex girlfriend back when she already has a boyfriend? I actually felt like i got over it very fast, largely due to the attractiveness thing because, why the hell would i want to be with someone who didn't find me attractive? It's all been about him, about when the relationship is convenient for him. You are in a prime position if this is the case. Reach out to your support group (family, friends, reddit, therapy - in no particular order) and realize that this guy is a deeply disturbed person who is using manipulation tactics to lure you back into the trap. Because your life is at stake. Just tell him you're sorry but you moved on and don't have those feelings for him anymore. 0. If you have a child or business together, it stands to reason that you and your ex would remain in contact— but this can remain very business-like. He thinks that I’m some kind of whore because he doesn’t trust woman. He keeps telling me if I ever loved him, I wouldn't turn my back on him and he'll kill himself if I don't speak to him.. But if you miss him and want to be together again, here are 7 signs your ex is just pretending to be over you and will eventually come back. LOVE YOURSELF ENOUGH TO GIVE YOURSELF A CHANCE, AND DO NOT FEEL LIKE YOU NEED TO FIX HIM OR YOU OWE HIM YOURSELF AS A SACRIFICE. 1. He said that, at the time, because he didn't have a job, that he thought he was going to have to emigrate and that he didn't want to have a shallow relationship with me but couldn't be serious thinking he was going to have to leave. If you want your ex back do not turn down the offer just because you feel scared that being friends will hurt your chances to get back with your ex. Your sole responsibility is to your own health and wellness— you do not go back to him at all. Washington Post Writers Group. Two weeks later, he's still being weird so I talk to him again and essentially drag a break-up out of him. He Maintains Non-Essential Contact. ex is a girl and if your ex is a guy! It’ll be easier for him and safer for you if you fully cut him out of your life. Physical abuse is one strike you’re out. I wanted him to move in with me and at the very last second, he bailed. You know fully well what you'd be signing up for. Either can be a good sign. Need help with your relationship? So my ex and I have a long history, but I want to keep this short. Hello Reddit, Ill try to keep things brief. She wants a man to simply laugh at her suggestion and confidently guide her through the ex back process until they are in a relationship once again. If you’re on this site, you’re looking for solutions in terms of getting back together; not being friends with an ex that left you (or the person that maybe you broke up with.) We are both in our early-mid 20s. I [F26] was in a relationship with my ex [M26] (we will call him steve) for 5 years. Why? 6:14 PM on Feb 8, 2012 CST. Trying to guilt them into reconsidering the relationship can end up pushing them further away. Call it “backsliding,” but in such a case, getting back together with an ex seems more than sensible. I mean, he treated me pretty poorly. Oh how I longed to hear those words! He was my first boyfriend. Some say this means she'll just return right back to you, and she was emotionally charged at the time she broke up with you. It stirred up feelings I thought were gone. If he cares about you he would stay the hell away. Much more than I did 6 months ago. I presume he has a report on file since you mention having the police remove him from your home in the past, so do not be afraid or feel guilty about reporting him again. If you want them back, you risk interpreting their behavior as signs that they feel the same way, because that’s what you want to see and hear.. And he broke up with me, so I really didn't see this coming. It wouldn't be that bad to see each other again. I mean, rejecting people isn't fun but I do it when I need to. didn’t read this all I needed to read was the title.. don’t give them another chance, My short but cruel opinion? I don't know if I was right to say no, whether I should give him a second chance, whether I even want to be with him. If they come back, it must be their decision. Let’s say your ex is not ready to try the relationship again, but they are eager to stay connected. Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. Don’t try to reason with your ex to be with you. Sammy Nickalls. Cuddling can send the wrong message, says Needle, or cause one or both of you to feel an emotional attachment again. They could really want to have you by their side, but there’s only a slight possibility of that happening. But how does that happen if there is someone new in her life? Your ex is going to try to hide his or her feelings for you so that you, your ex’s friends, family, and anyone related to your ex don’t find out. He's only realizing this NOW? What your ex won't tell you is that she's sad -- really f*cking sad. later: 1. 100% manipulation. I should move on I suppose. So I had been with my ex for 2 years, during this time he was physically abusive towards me on 4 different occasions, everytime he hit me, he was either drunk or high on cocaine.. I think I still do have feelings for him, but I hate the idea of being the sort of person who takes someone back after they cast me aside. It was very up and down from there. It can seem impossible to figure out whether or not your ex really wants you back, or if you’re just misreading the signals.. No, it's not that. CARE ABOUT YOURSELF MORE. You shouldn’t ask your ex, “Do you want to start from the beginning and date again?” because a woman will almost always say, “No” to that. I had no idea about his cocaine use or problems until about 6 months in, he told me he had a problem and was seeking help such as going to N/A meetings 4 times a week, I figured since he hadn't had any slips since we had been together and was actively seeking help that I would stick around to support him but this obviously back fired.. during these 4 "episodes" I've been dragged up the stairs by the hair, slapped in the face, kicked, had a phone smashed into my face, been bitten on my face, choked and been dragged to the ground by the hair and had my face forcefully pushed into the ground.. after his last episode, I had the police remove him from my home and that was that.. No. Remember: You are the man and it’s up to you to take the lead and not wait around for your ex to give you the green light that it’s okay to contact her and get back together again. At the start of the year, he got a job at my college where I work part time, and we were suddenly seeing each other every day. Did he really think I wouldn't move on, date other people? Signs Your Ex Girlfriend Wants You Back. A year after the divorce my ex-wife came to visit the kids and begged for me to talk to her as I was NC on any topic not about the kids. Don't do a full blown character assassination of how narcissistic he seems to be unless he really pushes the issue and doesn't take "I'm just not that into you" for an answer. I've always been a logical person before this. If your ex wants to meet up to “catch up” it’s likely that he has felt an emptiness in his life since you exited it, and simply wants to meet up to see you, talk with you, be with you. I get your point though. Very hot and cold. This is quite long, and i'm a bit confused, so sorry in advance. It feels like my heart vs my head. Perhaps you’re wondering “should I have sex with my ex” because you’re tempted, but at the same time you’d like to get a better idea of what they feel for you! I think ending all contact with him is the best/kindest thing you could do. This went on for about 2-3 months. He was fresh out of a year long relationship with his ex who mutually decided to break up with him before he met me. If you really truly feel sorry tell a doctor or something and have him call someone but I would go no further than that, It is never your responsibility. Ever since, I feel kind of heartbroken. Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex Signs it's actually a good idea to try again with your ex. Sometimes one's decision of breaking up with the girlfriend does not seem right. Or rather, I said I thought it was a bad idea, and that I needed time to think. Cut to now, 6 months later. So I said no. I confronted him and asked what he felt about me, whether this would be an actual relationship and whether we should end it. My ex and I only dated for a year but we have been in contact for a year after. Mostly, exes propose to stay friends because that way they’re still in your life and getting you back is much easier. 100% he’s manipulating you. He certainly wasn't Mr Romantic when he was hitting you or dragging you by your hair. We had both been insanely busy with work and college and then him moving home about an hour away, so I was optimistically putting it down to that but when things freed up slightly it still felt off. Missing you is the first step to getting him … He seemed into it, but weird about it at the same time. But if your ex has told you in clear words that they don’t want contact, or refuses to respond to your texts, messages, emails, phone calls, your ex wants you to leave them alone. Basically, a couple of days ago, I was having coffee with a guy I used to go out with, and he asked if I wanted to go out with him again. When you do see your ex again, they may either be pleased to see you or they may seem like they are in a bad mood. By dallasnews Administrator. He said that he is attracted to me, and wants to be with me. And your ex wants you so badly that they are proposing something that obvious. Unless you think you were sent to earth to take on the sins of others, you do not need to sacrifice yourself for another’s penance. Run. He wants to try and we are going to go to counseling. If they act all moody, they may be upset because they feel conflicted about the breakup. Of course, none of this would be happening to you if you were your girlfriend’s first love, but, if you’re saying, “My girlfriend’s ex boyfriend wants her back,” then she’s clearly had some previous experience with other guys. I’m 7 months pregnant he hasn’t worked and was always looking for work, now that I left he suddenly wants to change like every time we fight.